when you’re backed up against the edge
when it happens… that last straw…
there is an unexpected calm that settles
it’s partly self preservation
it’s partly pride
it’s partly animal necessity
i don’t like surprises
i know this for sure now
they confuse me
they catch me off guard
they make my ears burn and my neck red
they make me need to call you
they remind me that i can’t
so it’s going to be big, what’s going to happen next. out of dirt and tears and a massive ache for you will come something no one will see coming. there is a certain dark kindness in that. a hidden breath of fresh air that only i can breath at first. and then everyone will breath with me. and it will be ok.
susan said it best. right now, right at this time in life i can’t handle this. this one more bit of drama and assumption and ache. i’d be ok in other times, other circumstances, but these little bits of confusion add up. it’s not other times, it’s this time.
so we’re going to go big
and it’s going to be beautiful
and it’s going to be loving
and it’s going to stun everyone
we’re doing this.
in my mind we’re already there